Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble .....

Deep trouble. I had never been so moved before in such a way that the first encounter would reveal a desire to find one another. I should have figured on that very thing making it harder to really see what would happen in my future with Luis. How could a young man be so bad to be around when it felt like you couldn't leave his side? That night as we left the dance club "Red" (my friend) saw first hand we were struggling to hold in the excitement that this person we had been searching for was in our arms. She knew it was hard for me since I hadn't had any connection with men my own age and this felt so good to have someone pay attention to me. Especially in public where everybody could see I was the person of interest for once. The shoe was on the other foot and it fit perfectly! We headed to my hot car alone while leaving the guys on the sidewalk. Looking back now you would have thought they would have walked us to the cars, but I have a feeling Red and I put off the vibes that we could take care of ourselves, not to mention the beers were probably still flowing in the pizza shop right outside the club. I know for a fact her and I were feeling it.....that lightning that flows through your veins when you think everything is FINALLY going your way. We're good girls(the straight edge kind). We needed a break in the bad luck or no luck that had been our lives. I wanted so badly to matter. She wanted so badly to be taken seriously. We both loved life, still do. We just wanted that sizzle that everyone looks for. Had you told us "sizzle" isn't a feeling you can keep, it comes and goes like the ebbs and flows of life, We would have told you to stick it! We're going to try it our way. We got to the car and got in like usual, except this time with big grins like we had just won the lottery! This time we pulled around the front of the building looking for our "partners in dance". I had my window down so I could see straight to the sidewalk, and to cool off! You're so hot after hours of shaking your tail feathers! There he was! I had no idea where her guy was. I don't remember if I could see anything other than him. I had to slow down because the traffic up ahead didn't make it through the red light. I was stopped right along side of the main walk out front of the club. He began to walk over to me saying whatever things Latin boys say in Spanish.....I didn't ask I just assumed it was some loving things like "there is my super cool chic in her hot car". Whatever. So he got to the side of the car and he put his hand around the back of my neck and kissed me in front of everybody on the street. I remember the hooting and hollering.....and Red ready to kill me for acting like some floozie out of a bad novel. Try to imagine my gut in that moment, the feeling that I knew this was a feeling I liked and at the same time it was a feeling that was going to take me down a road most would have died on. It was like any other Saturday night, it was followed up with a Sunday morning. I was in a habit for years of not missing church on a Sunday morning. I looked forward to going to see everyone I hadn't seen in years because of High School or because they didn't come into the salon that I worked at at that time. It was a big family on Sunday mornings and it was just as routine as dancing on Saturday nights was. This was relatively new to be so tired on a Sunday morning since I had borrowed energy from the following week to do so much dancing in soooo little time. The family had this weird unspoken tradition that we met at a local restaurant to eat afterwards. I would be the only one who hadn't been at the house all week long or at work with them all week long, so really I was like a guest every Sunday. I would get the 20 questions riot act about what was up with my week and this Sunday was going to be just the same. I thought. I began to eat my food like I had never seen any before, since I had worked up an appetite from the night before. Then my phone rang. Everyone's eyes on me, while I picked it up. 14 years ago it wasn't so crazy to use your cell phone to pick up a call....it hadn't taken over everyone's lives just yet. Texting wasn't even popular just yet either. I picked up the unknown caller and heard the creamy Spanish tone on the other end...."Lauuuurra"(said in your best Spanish voice) My heart sank knowing I couldn't talk to him while I was at dinner so I just said yes.(this guy called me just hours after kissing me not days like I thought it was going to be!!!!! I was speechless)..and could you call back later?????? I hung up and 2 seconds go by all eyes burrowing a whole through my forehead asked "who was that"? ugh just writing out the words hurt. It is such a different ball game now that I'm older and have a family of my own. I don't want the type of relationship where everything's a navy intelligence operation. I begrudgingly answered this boy I gave my number to. We hadn't been taught how to date considering that my parents didn't know how to either. They were so focused on not losing their virginity to an unclean heathen who wasn't their spouse that it messed with the intensity they gave dating. They feared that dating anyone too long or at all always leads to sex and sex only. (that's a different day a different blog) Sex isn't the problem here but it poised a problem because dating was so foreign to them they were unable to be rational about anyone else dating, let alone their daughter. I think on some level, as sickening as it might sound, they liked it better when I was uber-chubby and chafing. I had pulled myself up by setting my goals higher than they had set their own and now we were on uncharted territory. Who am I kidding every territory with them was uncharted. It was a bumpy ride daily. It was getting on my last nerve. Really all I was needing was real relationship with any human that would plug into my brain and get to know me and see the best in me to develop a plan to achieve. I was in a time of my life where I wanted so much and so much of it...all of it...I couldn't share with them.