The Passion.......(this one isn't the well known play)

I can recall all of the memories Luis and I made together. We were so young and had no idea that we were playing right into the feelings that life was a game. It felt like in those moments and at that time that we were inseparable. You couldn't pry the phones out of our hand when we called each other. We longed to talk to each other and to plan our next get together for the weekend. Red was losing her mind. She had to wait til the weekend to see if we were still going to go to the dance club to work out all our stress and so she could get a man. Yes, on some level we were still trying to get hand picked by some rich young thing who just wanted a good soon to be woman working through her troubling twenties. Red and Luis never liked each other to begin with. They both wanted my undivided time and money and car and sober driving. Geesh. You would have thought I was a good looking uber driver back then. I tried to give Red some clarity by explaining to her that there was no way they had to be jealous or worry about losing me because the love I had for both of them was different. She was my best friend and I could tell her anything, and I needed her to be there for me during the relationship woes. Luis was my lover/boyfriend. He didn't compete with her because he was there to make sure I was at the top of my sexy game and that I could solidly slay a man. At the time it didn't sound so skeezy in my head. I didn't realize that I was using Luis as a standard of hotness for myself. I understand it now so simply. HOW COULD I?!! Easily. It seemed to be working really well for me. I'd see him on the weekends starting Saturday through Sunday. I'd go to work during the week and do whatever else I wanted like church, shopping and the gym. It was brilliant. I missed him during the week but I loved being able to live by myself and have the whole place to tinker and get ready for work. I'm so grateful for having that experience because it set the tone for the REST OF MY LIFE. You have to be so deliberate to have a budget and a handle on what life really throws at you versus what you want to have. I thought I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe I had a job I loved, a boyfriend I handpicked out of the crowd and a best friend who understood me and wanted to be around. It was as if life was perfect. It started out so intensely between Luis and I. I can remember every time I saw him I was taken back as if I had never met him before. He was so striking that when he looked at me I shivered. I knew I lusted after him but the truth is I liked it. I loved that uncomfortable feeling every time he got close to me for a kiss because I thought "oh he really likes me and finds me attractive". For someone like me who didn't have that kind of feedback at home I longed for it. I was in the beauty industry to try and give that feeling to people all day long. I knew how wonderful it was to receive it. No one's family can be bad all the time, it's just it wasn't a "thing" in our house to try to be our best self every second of every day. I knew when I got into the industry it was going to be hard to break through the barriers that had nothing to do with relying on God for our issues, it's just this was my time and I needed to learn the cold hard lessons of it isn't your looks that make a relationship last. Even if you are an attractive female it doesn't mean he realllly loves you or that he will stick around just because you're beautiful. SO ARE A LOT OF FEMALES, AND WHY NOT?! WHY CAN'T WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT US THAT MAKES US ATTRACTIVE? My mind was capable of asking it, but hadn't fully comprehended how important self love was to making these fears go away that lived inside of my head. Right now Luis was that for me and he was going to give me a new perspective on life I could just feel it. When he looked at me I felt different, I felt seen, I felt alive and I loved it. Every second I had with him gave me more and more of a high that I longed for him to be with me everyday. I could start to see why puppy love was so dangerous and why young people think they need to get married. Why not right? I mean you're in love and young, why not live the rest of your lives together??????????? GOOD GOLLY LORD ALMIGHTY help these young people understand that is NOT how love works. I'll show you what happens when you underestimate the Devil........