Monday, February 6, 2017
Your not going to like it........but it's what happened.
To say that my life is boring is the understatement of the decade. I have lived a very dramatic life in such a small town. Not all of my own doing of course......No no...I mean because I am always uncovering someone's or something that has drama attached to it. It has been said drama follows me. Incorrect. Let me say this loud and clear. I CALL OUT DRAMA. There is a big difference. It doesn't follow me. I stop it in it's tracks. It's resting place is at my feet. Therefore the slow, irrational ones speaking always get this incorrect. Moving on to one of the most interesting times in my life was when I was dating the drug ridden co-dependent psychopath of my twenties. Don't sit there and gasp. They are all around us. This isn't as uncommon as some people would like to allow themselves to think. What I am most interested in was all the life lessons I came to learn through studying his movements and how difficult it was to outsmart him in the beginning. As time went on I got stronger and stronger and stronger. One of the underlying core values I have is once my mind is made up, I am willing to die for what I believe in. I was not willing to give anymore of my valuable young life to this guy who clearly didn't want to change and was going to kill my spirit "if" I let him. I will never forget the sound of that door at 2 am. My whole life I have been a light sleeper. I am one sound away from waking up and searching the room for any dark thing that might be lurking about. I sleep on a wooden box now so there is no way anything can crawl under my bed to later bite me in the middle of the night....That's a whole other blog!! I value sleep but I am completely aware if I am awakened and begin to feel a shiver down my spine, there is trouble on the horizon. I have had this kind of perception since I was a child and while it may seem to be a gift, it at times has felt like a curse. I am immediately begging God to intercede on my part. Given the time in my life and how young I was to be facing such a paralyzing helplessness for my own well being. This guy was going to stop at nothing. I had had the counseling, I had had the friends and family talks about how this guy is bad news. I had had the intervention with myself and said "self.....let this guy go." Do you understand you don't just break up with psycho's????? Try not to go all pragmatic on me if you have absolutely no basis for understanding here. Emotions do not help this situation, only facts. Until you've been through the trama of being followed, beaten, threatened, stalked, choked, tracked down to every place you go you have no idea what it is like to deal with one of these nitwits. No one is going to help you. Your on your own. You can try and set up the false sense of safety of 911 and family nearby or neighbors maybe hearing your cry for help, but who ya kiddin'? Your on your own. That morning changed my life forever. I knew when I heard the piercing door bell at 2 am my mind raced for a reason. WHO'S AT MY DOOR? WHY AM I AFRAID? NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AND I'M LITERALLY SHAKING FROM HEAD TO TOE. I thought about rolling back over and going to bed, but it would only happen and again. MY future wasn't safe. He was going to take over my life. Or so he thought. Bad move on his part. I decided it was my life or his that night. I didn't waste time going to the kitchen to get the biggest Knife I had. "The Butcher" you got it. This should work said my 23 year old self. Having never killed anyone before or even maimed them I had to go on what I thought would do the trick. I went to the peep hole looked out and there he was. LUIS. This guy was really starting to piss me off. I called through the door. (I was working up the guts to open up the door and go all kill bill on him) The thing that I can still recall is the feeling of being alone. Not spiritually alone. But alone. There wasn't one person who was going to help me. I was on my own. The choice 3 years prior in the dance club to allow this guy to consume me had come full circle. Now I was standing on the other side of my first house's door ready to open it up and kill this guy if I had to. I was sad, not that sad, I was sick of this petrifying fear he had put into my life. I was done shaking in my sleep, waking up in panic attacks, ducking into places before he could see me. It had to stop. The pfa's (protection from abuse orders) didn't work. He would find me no matter where I was. I could hear him breathing. He answered back in his latin buttery voice....."baby open the door it's me...I miss you". I answered back " You need to go and leave me alone or I'm calling the police." I didn't really know if I had the guts to call the police. This type of life just wasn't mine. He brought this to me....I didn't ask for it or want it. I had never ever ever wanted anyone to feel this way. I got angrier by the minute. He was testing my patience. He began to ring the door bell like he was running from a bear....Only 2 people in my life ring door bells that way....MY Father and Luis.....both this day do not spend time with me. One thing I detest is a man out of control. smh I was so afraid that my upstairs neighbors would wake up and call the police for such an alarming disturbance so early in the morning. I didn't want anyone to believe I thought this is the way life should be lived. I should probably preface I have a turbo switch in my brain. I can take alot, but once you have hit the breaking point.....back away slowly. What you are about to encounter is Laura" modern day demon slayer" I opened the door shiny butcher in hand. Raised like some thriller tv show from the 80's.....I had bad form but I ment every bit of it. He saw it and disregarded the huge shiny knife in my hand and pushed himself through the door. I held the knife back as not to nick him prior to him apologizing and leaving for good. No need for violence right???? ummmm.....wrong. He started this sob story about how much he loved me and needed me in his life. Remember we are not dating, he's stalking me and ruining my life. So I left the door open for him to see I didn't have plans to make up or take long with this unnecessary reunion. I remember talking to him with such intensity and density in my voice. I told him to get out and said I am no longer his toy or pet. I am willing to die tonight to be done. I said you either leave now.....Or I split your skull in two. It was like time slowed down. (que the matrix) I saw his eyes glaze over. He backed out of the door slowly and for the first time was making eye contact with the knife as if it could split his skull. He never looked more evil then the moment he last spoke to me...... His voice changed and his body stiffened up, more like sobered up. He no longer looked hopeless and needed me. He was someone else entirely. "You ungrateful cunt" is what he called me. His body oozed a darkness I knew had lingered deep within his body but now I was faced with it. I could hear the sound coming from his mouth but it wasn't the latin lover he had presented himself to be over the last 3 years. I had forced the Demon to the surface and he was looking me in the eye. I used the phrase then that I have come to love to use in situations like this. " You will never win, you do not serve my Creator God, He has already won the battle. Get Out" Some of you reading may be speechless, disoriented, be in a state of disbelief......it's always difficult to imagine the spiritual realm tickling your face. I was triumphant that night because I believed it was time for TRUTH to prevail. I have been in many spiritual battles since then and been able to talk through them very much the same. I faced the demon that lived inside of him that had made me his project to destroy. He was gaining ground until I decided to allow my FAITH TO STAND UP AND PUSH BACK AGAINST. I have had glimpses of God's power in my life and for all of you with your jaws open on the floor.....pick um up and move on. There's more to be thankful for in this story than to sit and worry about. Our God is an awesome God and HE reigns for ever and ever. My God conquers just by mentioning his name. That night changed the course of my life. I knew what it was going to take to get rid of these guys on the planet and for a moment I pictured the women across the country. Did they have what I have. A GOD SO BIG AND MIGHTY A FAITH THAT ALLOWS THEM TO PUSH THROUGH. I closed the door to my house differently that night. I walked back into the kitchen and put the knife back. I didn't need it after all. ALL I'VE EVER NEEDED IS GOD.