Sunday, January 1, 2017

Welcome mat

I'd like to think the welcome mat at one time meant just that. Welcome. I was a bit naive in thinking that once you move into a home that everyone you know will rush to see what success has become you. Not so much. Was it that I was young? A good five years ahead of my peer group didn't help any. I had managed to welcome people right out of my life. It wasn't that I tried it or anything. I just naturally learned to be independent from others. I never even thought it could be that I was an oldest child or that my job created an independent thinking in me. I had to stand behind the chair and help lead another person down a road of style and definition. I loved that my work had me surrounded by people all day long, that when it came time to come home, peace and quiet was all I needed. I really only made friends at the gym I went to. It was great to go and connect with people there that had a common interest with me to keep their chub in check. I was still on the path to defining my shape. I went every day to unwind and see the cute boys. No lie there, I was a goner when it came to muscles. The only thing I think I had in comparison was my love for Pizza. Go figure. I was always beaming when I walked through the doors. I was so eager to become someone and to change my life. It was written right on my sleeve. I was always chatty at the door where you checked in and soon became friends with the managers. I would soon learn I had a fond interest in the step classes. I would fly across those steps like I was meant for dancing. It was intense to hear everyone's feet hitting the floor and to see us all glistening from the sweat running down our faces. You were soaked by the time you were done. You worked out every bit of stress a girl could have by the end of class. I loved the high you got from pushing yourself. It was an incredible feeling to be a part of something outside of work. It was great we were all welcome to be right beside each other. It wasn't like we all knew one another like best friends, but it didn't matter. We came there to have fun and that's what we did. I still long for that part of society to catch up with the rest of the world. The kind of welcome that we have when we all have something in common. We create our own kind of families that learn to have fun in a room full of different expectations. It was an incredible part of my life and I'll never forget how I felt. I wanted that feeling to be something that I gave to others every day for the rest of my life. I didn't always manage this. in part due to the fact that I hadn't factored in the haters that would almost make it impossible for me to give my best. I guess I was under the assumption that everyone would "welcome" me. I was going to learn the hard way that was not the case. I hadn't learned yet that I was going to have to make them feel welcome first. I have this intense personality that leaves one of two options. Love me or Hate me. Take your pick. Don't worry, over the years I've learned to harness that intensity and on some level accept that it's who I am. I just had this rosy colored outlook that if I was welcoming that people would be welcoming back. I have come to understand that my belief and faith in Jesus Christ had set me apart from others. Oh! Not on the sin level or anything. No I was just as much a sinner as everyone else. I mean in a bigger picture sort of way. I saw and still see life as welcoming. I am still desiring every day to be pleasant and super friendly to everyone I meet. I just believe that my ability to feel the presence of God allows me to understand my value in life isn't hinged on what things we have in this life rather who we spend it with and how. People have always been the most important thing to me. As my journey would continue and still does today, I would come to understand that my ability to talk to anyone would then have me witnessing one on one with people on a daily basis. I am still searching for that perfect world where everyone's welcome mat means just that. WELCOME.

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