Who knew?

To say that my job was taking every last ounce of fun out of me was the understatement of the year for me. I had no idea how much other people relied on you to bring in money so they could begin to relax a bit before easing into retirement. I wanted so badly to love hair and to become successful at what I did. I really did want my own salon and to teach women and men of all ages that everyday it was up to them how great they could look!!! It's a win win situation when everyone in the world (or your world) knows how awesome they are when they walk in the door and when they walk right back out again. I just hadn't factored in that the atmosphere was extremely strong and working against me. Yes, yes, yes I knew the behaviors were similar to the ones I could find at home, I just didn't think they were going to fight against me. I mean why would they???? I made them money every day, happily and cheerfully. It's clear that just working or living near me does not make a "Better Betty"......no these were "Bitter Betty's" and they were here to stay. Part of me knew and always knew it was going to end the way it did....cold like a dead fish but in the mean time they were going to school me on everything I had no clue in because I didn't do them. DRUGS. Sadly Luis was a drug addict in disguise. He was so smooth around the edges it looked like someone had chiseled that boy right out of solid stone. He radiated a completely different type of light. Dark, Mysterious, and Dangerous. I know now why I was so drawn to him. He was the exact opposite of me. He was all the opposing forces but seemed to be what I wanted and what I liked. On the surface he kept himself so proper that I loved the end result. I had not factored in that the way to control something so pristine was to do it using drugs. I have lived much more since then with my eyes wide open because I know what to look for when people are presenting a perfect canvas without telling you how to achieve it. I didn't live with him full time ........errrrrrr scratch that he didn't live with me full time. I didn't know what he ate or drank or put in his body when I didn't see him on the weekdays. One night I was cleaning up a manicure station I had just done nails on a wonderful client of mine. He stopped in to see me before he went to work. He didn't seem to mind driving to see me all the way in Hershey when he worked an hour away. He always called me baby.....and not to mention he was sly and shy when he first would walk into a room. He wanted to take it all in I guess. He needed to see who was around and what everyone was up to before he would try to kiss me or ask me how my day was. He never stayed very long, I didn't know back then what I know now about our spirits and how much we do based on them being tempted or pushed. He left like a usual day but this time my boss's partner asked if she could talk to me before I left for the day. She blew smoke in the air as usual (it always smelled like an ashtray anywhere she went). She was hard and soft all at the same time ya know. She was so insecure and had to keep up the front for everyone else. She dare not look vulnerable or human to the rest of us or we'd take advantage of that. She didn't fool me! She was completely miserable everyday and only got along with people more miserable than she was. I'll never forget the words she said. They cut me like a knife. "Do you know he does drugs....."? WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? I just looked at her like she had 2 heads. I mean c'mon what kind of person did she think I was???? Did she know what kind of woman I wanted to be! I'd NEVER DATE A DRUG ADDICT! HE NEVER EVEN ASKED ME TO DO DRUGS! I said how do you know that? You barely have any conversation with him so what makes you think you know????? She said tonight when he came to visit he had white powder on his nose where the nostril was....I called attention to it and he huffed it in and then wiped the rest off before he walked in to see you. I just stared blankly at her for a moment and thought, she called it to attention before I would have caught it and he didn't even do anything???? She said oh he knows I'm on to him for sure, because he just looked at me and stared me down like what was I going to do?? Tell you or let it go? That night changed my life forever. It kept ringing in my ear that he was on drugs and it scared me to death. I thought how could I have gone a year and not known that this guy does drugs and why hasn't he asked me to do them with him???? Does he hide them from me??? Should I ask him to his face or over the phone??? I mean you girls out there know what happens when the bad boys get caught face to face. Right? I didn't know for sure what would happen if I just waited til I saw him face to face??? I had known it was very difficult for me to confront people even though I was extremely outgoing. I figured people would grow into better versions of a human everyday they are alive....Right??? WRONG! I also have this habit of assuming people act like I do. Lol no! Not so much. I wanted to understand my emotions of fear a bit better before I jumped right down his throat so I gave it til I saw him on the weekend. I remember being so afraid that it was true so I went looking everywhere in his things to find drugs. That's just what I found. His pants had his wallet and some credit card receipts and, lo and behold, when I opened up his wallet 2 bags of white powder fell out. My jaw dropped to the floor like one of those kids movies where someone's getting in trouble!! I swear I stood there for what felt like minutes but was probably just a couple of seconds. I process very quickly. I didn't want drugs in my life no matter who had them or did them. I wanted purity in that category if you can even handle that knowing full well I am not a pure woman. I had made up my mind I was done. No questions asked. He either did drugs or sold drugs and there was no way I was allowing this to continue. I walked right into the bedroom where he was napping and grabbed his legs and pulled him directly off the bed. I'm pretty sure in that very second that my hands grabbed his legs he thought "reckoning day" was upon him. He stood so shocked at how I woke him and faced me. He saw me holding the white bags of powder and in that moment he looked me in the eye...I could see the light leave him....his eyes were as black as coal. He looked at me and said in this heinous voice "you shouldn't have done that"....and I said back as strongly as I could....NO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE! I WANT YOU OUT! I could feel his hands come swiftly up my body to my neck and he pushed me way back into the closet and lifted me up onto the wall. He began to tell me it could have been different. I was losing breath as my eyes began to black out. He was going to kill me to keep his dirty little secret. The woman he loved so much meant nothing to him over those pathetic little bags of crack. Honestly there isn't enough to salt a potato in one of things, but I was going to die for 2 of them. And I would have if it had been God's will in that moment of my life. Too bad for me that I came to.