Moving On......

I hadn't factored in that everything I had done up until that point in my life stemmed from the "Truman Show' facade. We had come to believe was the path that we had to walk to understand Christ. No one knows how to talk about God in an open forum without sounding like an under paid pastor or some Jesus Freak who has waaaayyy too many bumper stickers on his car. I never saw us connecting to an understanding that we were going to have hard times on this journey but we'd have to find a way to work through it or there was no amount of ice cream and Hallmark that would touch what was left of us. The brain is a funny thing, we can't see it and don't refer to it much due to the idiosyncrasy of our society to put more emphasis on the "Heart". FOLKS WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE BRAIN! For most of my life we didn't have a clue what would happen if we had taken accountability and responsibility out of the equation. Sooo you mean to tell me we arrive at our truer better self along the highway to Heaven???? Where do we come up with this horse crap??? First of all it isn't logical, nor is it practical to find better behavior along some unknown path in your life and find self worth or self confidence based on not becoming that person rather picking them up along side the road. Let's put this into a different perspective...........you aren't a combination of absolute miracles from God himself, rather a freewill of decision making that he can penetrate whenever he feels. Stop taking the human responsibility of this walk called life out of the equation. If God had wanted little chubby drones walking around with their heads in their cell phones waiting on his miracles he's got it! I see it rather that we need to get in the game, fight the passive aggressive behavior with questions as to how that is going to be a forward movement or blessing to the whole community to stay away from a poor decision or to find the nearest counselor to ask how one might go about it differently. Oh no that would make to much sense and allow the whole human race to begin to see the use of their brain in a way like never before. How convenient! We would be too private of a community to ask someone a question as to what is going down in our lives. Do you really think you're the only person out there struggling with well....ANYTHING? Don't answer that. The truth is as I was walking this journey called life I was facing many sides of myself but finding myself in situations that mirror imaged that last bit of crap I just came out of. Is that nice? Well I don't really care if you think it's nice or not. There just isn't a whole lot of sweet sensitive words to describe whackjobs that love Jesus but can't hold on an intellectual conversation. lol Other than Christians.... Now NOw NOW! Settle down, it's not an attack on Christ or his glory or his sovereignty, this is strictly word play on titles given. Let's face it the description is just plain old people. End of discussion. Don't feel sorry for us as a people, we're exactly where any of us would be if we don't face the REAL difference between knowing God and speaking of him which comes from a conviction of action to accountability or a responsibility to take pride in making sure we are held to a standard of self will to open up. Who would have known in the moment I closed the door on one dysfunctional group of people, I let the flood gates open wide for a new group of dizzies. People who could creep up into the ghost pains that were there from the slight removal of my family. Oh yeah, I got rid of one meddling, over bearing controlling mother only to get boss's that would split the responsibilities of me down the middle. One took the nurturing friendly end, one took the "I own you, you are mine" end. I didn't see the fear or anger I had towards her attitude for a long time. The reality is I could genuinely function inside something difficult. It's all I knew really, whether it be at home, holidays or ANYWHERE ELSE. So I guess on some whacked out parallel, I thought if I could survive her wrath or miserable "I hate my life and where it's gone" undertone I might be able to move on with my life. NOPE. Whether wading in shit a mile high or a couple inches, you stink. I am not blaming her for how she began to show her true fear of never getting out of this tough industry. I mean put yourself in her shoes, she had already been working for years before I showed up on the scene. I was her ticket out, and for a number of years, as I was working on myself and just plain fooling around and wasting time, it appeared I would be her puppet as long as she could keep me down under her thumb. She had no clue I'd saw my own arm off before putting myself through all that again. I began to wise up year after year, eventually realizing that I wasn't being stimulated like I had been in the beginning. I had pushed myself right past the level of contentment that they were currently at. Please don't be alarmed, that's no different than every other human I've seen in the last 16 years!!! It isn't unheard of to sit back and watch the years creep by, while surviving the day and waking up to the same hum drum existence. If there is one underlying theme in all of this, it is , I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN THAT KIND OF LIFE. I refuse to believe in this martyr approach I see everyone put on. That we are some kind of spiritually incapable group of babbling idiots that cannot overcome pure evil. Not alone, but with the help of the Holy Spirit we can. Not by walking through the church doors or not swearing when you stub your toe on the end of the bed.....but rather an intense walk with the Lord that begins to pierce the darkness around you so vividly that people cannot do anything but ask you "What the Heck is different about you"....... Forgiveness, Jesus, True Understanding. Oh my goodness! Those 3 words just put chills down my spine, because no matter how easy they are to spell out, speak, and give to others you cannot begin to understand the intellectual freedom I have in walking this planet to help others see their full potential and then the road to recovery which will feel like sudden death. No joke. Did you really think there was some fabulous christian algorithm that I applied to all the dysfunction in my brain to clear up any road blocks???????!!!!!!! Um let me clear that up for you.....no. I had to do the hard work of living through the status quo of aggression that we all have to deal with the moment we step down off the porch. Lets come from the mindset that I began a journey 16 years ago that lead me through an emotional roller coaster only for me to step off the ride to understand it wasn't emotional at all. It was "INTELLECTUAL SPIRITUAL" . What is that??? Well, just everything.....it's everything we deal with in our lives, I believe based on my total life experience I can take each individual through a series of questions leading back to their childhoods, stemming from their birth, and beginning a deep look inside the brain to reveal the walls built up to keep the person from feeling overwhelmed, neglected, ignored, or abused. I see what beauty we have as a total sum of the people working for the common good of understanding Love and what we get when we don't have it. You can't expect your neighbor to possess what you do not also have. Or can you??? If you're honest about most of the thoughts we have as a society we continually expect our neighbor to have something we do not possess. Although not a logical approach to humans and how we operate, it hasn't stopped you yet.....