Monday, February 15, 2016

Emotions & their Dysfunction (The First Floor)

I see things in a design so perfect and connected to everything God has created and how we need to understand what to make of these things called "emotions". I've tried to let you in on some of my own emotions or feelings along the way and to get to you laugh and relate to me in those times in my life. To grasp how important this is we need to talk about the foundation of who we are or the basement of our lives. Why????!!! You ask? Must we talk about that to understand emotions? Because it is all tied together. Our foundation is the MOST important part actually, because it sheds light on the next decade or floor of our life. If you are a 3 story house or 30 years old....your first and second floor are completely reliant on the basement or foundation being sound and whole without failure. Now we as humans versus houses are never going to be perfect sound structures, but we are not on those kind of scales anyway, more importantly it's the picture I paint in your mind that the 3rd floor will crumble if the foundation is not attended to. If your foundation is okay, but your first floor is shaky then the 3rd floor crumbles anyway so it's so important for us to understand the basement or foundation is super important, but the close second is the first floor, or our emotions. Look at emotions as being the front door to the house, once you walk in you reveal the real issue. Let's shed light on what life was like for me as a little girl. I was like Mary Poppins..."practically perfect in every way"!! Ha...um no not quite. I can remember all the way back to about 5 or 6 years of age, like when I had my first Dolly. I remember the first house we lived in but not too much other than I was scared of the dark as a little girl. Who isn't a little scared of the dark when you're little? I thought something lived under my bed to eat my feet for years, I used to tuck my feet up into the blanket so my toes couldn't peak out under the bed. Laugh all you want, I realize now how the Spiritual world had a strong connection to me and the house we lived in. I was not so naive to think there wasn't a God, I knew without a doubt he was real, but it didn't take away the sting of the Dark(devil) and the fear of the unknown. I can remember a very pent up mother & workaholic father, without realism or the ability to be in tune to others in the room. I don't remember laughter coming from the home, but then again I was only 6 when we moved from there. I do remember the night I accepted Salvation. I had this little pillow person(actually it was a lime green dragon with pink scales and tail) REMEMBER THOSE THINGS?! They are basically a square pillow with a head or tail sewn on to create the image. I was in love with my girl dragon! She was fierce and could face the night with me and kill all things evil.....or so I thought as I clung to her. I asked Jesus to love me and take me to Heaven no matter what happens here on earth. I must have sounded hilarious as to request him to not renege on our deal. I don't remember sleeping more soundly then or anything, it wasn't like he zapped me free of all my 6 yr. old problems. I don't think that is always what happens to us as humans, but the point that I knew I was talking to him and believed that he existed and I KNEW HE HEARD ME. Until that day I had operated under the terms of my parents home and environment. NO ONE CAN GET TO HEAVEN ON THEIR PARENTS FAITH OR ADDRESS. We're talking about the most important day of my life! Get some enthusiasm here! Jump up and down once or twice, LAURA'S GOING TO HEAVEN! If we're honest at the age of 6, our innocence is what allows us to focus on him because we hold little to no responsibility. Just wiping our dirty behind was a daunting task seldom done with tact and fervor. How can anyone know in that moment that I was destined to see Jesus. You wouldn't if you didn't have a relationship with him and ask him questions and want to know more about the Bible and why he wrote it and left it for us. I understand many people read the Bible and get rules, regulations and shame where I find understanding, relation, intelligence, accountability, humanity , responsibility and, last but certainly not least, a map of human behavior. It is the same across the board without a love for Jesus and learning what it looks like to be living out his will in our lives, we will be destructive. My family and I moved across town to a new home that my parents built shortly after I had accepted salvation. We tried to begin the American dream of that perfect middle class family who throws barbecues on the weekends. It makes for a great picture, but it didn't pan out quite like that. I know we all went to church and we all said we knew Jesus, but how could we truly plug into what God wanted for us when we weren't asking any questions. We didn't seek to find answers by asking the people around us. We went solely on the emotions of what was acceptable in society and what we liked or wanted. THAT'S EMOTIONAL, NOT INTELLECTUAL. It's hard to understand that when I speak from that solid point it is to shed light on how much power our brains have to sift through the facade or crap that dominates human behavior. I'm not putting us down so much as speaking out to gain perspective on the enemy we fight. It wasn't a total family fail, it never is. No one person on the planet or family can fail at everything, every minute, every day. Even that is too hard to do. We are not a fail. GOD intended us to be great. How can we get there if we won't do the work in the brain to understand how powerful emotions are. THAT'S WHY THE DEVIL USES THEM AGAINST US. I know first hand how my emotions can get the best of me considering all three decades of my life are a map or timeline of dysfunction. It was spread out over three different ten year stretches, but all three have a tendency to mirror image one another. The triggers remained the same, and the relationships I was in or around remained similar, so therefore the outcomes or feelings, or toxic behavior continued. I had known for some time the top was going to blow, but there was nothing in my power to deal with it. You learn at each decade how important it is to be aware of what you CAN do, and be in control with your emotions. It wasn't long before those first 4 years past and I was ten years old with a baby brother and a sister. We lived inside a large home with plenty of yard and a lovely neighborhood. I remember it as if I was there. There was a coldness to that home that I just can not shake. I never liked my room that I had been given in the front 3rd floor room. I could never sleep. I was continuously afraid and irritated. I can see it in my head playing out before me the emotional train wreck that was our family. We couldn't communicate. We only had big blowouts, knock down drag em out character blood baths. It's all we knew how to do as one big group. It's true we cannot heal or change without a learning curve or time out to address issues that stem from self worth or ignorance to handling stress. It can sound almost cliche or too simplified, I'm here to tell you it's almost impossible for people to do the work it takes. My family's inabilities to see that our worth as a true unified team was so immeasurable and that we should have never given up on trying to ask the questions or learn to give answers. It wasn't applicable then. It's not applicable now. You can't give something to your children you don't have. My parents don't have the tools in the brain to break down scripture and hear God's word empowering them to see the ultimate plan. Their childhoods were so painful that walls built up inside to protect them are so great. We have taken the brain work out and the ability to ask why, what would happen or what can I do? We don't reach out to learn what can I do in this great big world to make a difference. For children to feel a difference at home it's going to need to come from mom and dad's plugging into their own brains and remembering the decades of their lives to relate to their children's wants and needs. I am thankful for the beginning that I did have, because it always helps me relate to what we all become without the Lord. We can not achieve the greatness he has waiting for us in our brains until we give everything over to him. Coming from the age I am now, I am certainly not done putting all the puzzles pieces down. What I do know for certain is my 34 year old self is a product of building on my ten year old self. I could never have achieved the age of 34 without it. I can't erase it and I can't discard it. I am the total sum of those years. In those tender years of my life, things happened to not allow the nurturing of my brain to develop. So in that case my brain went on and built up walls to deal with the inadequacies of tools to deal with stress. I didn't always understand my role in praying to the Lord to help. Our role is to be IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. You tell me how we have messed up families, businesses, towns, all across the world cause we're all in a relationship with God. I know better than to sit and buy that. It's not logical to think that people know who God is and how to plug into a relationship with him based on their current relationships. I know how painful it can be, to be totally lost in the twilight zone and to think not one person on the planet understands you. We have a lot of work to do to clean up the brain so it can function properly to heal and to move on, to become such a great tool in sifting through evil. I know with my own experience we are given everything we need to achieve and have lasting relationships once we realize our part. It isn't easy to do. I'd love to be your guide on this journey. Walk along side of me and learn how I tackled these demons one by one.....

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