"The Big Move"

What else is there to do other than sit there and stare at me as if I just cursed in church?!.......this was the continual problem with the family dynamics. Like I had said previously, I was given a choice or so I thought? Being the parent in this situation demanded certain requirements that aren't easily grasped by those jaded by their own young adult lives. In this particular part of my adolescent life, I had been given an "ultimatum" to either obey the rules of the house and it's curfew or get out. But if we slow down for a minute and really think about it, they had put that out there to manipulate the end result. They knew all along they had never taught me "HOW" to move out, so how would I? Let me put this in laymen's terms: they used a tactic to ensure the result would scare the crap out of me to get me to obey out of fear and intimidation. I sat there so proud of really getting it, of seeing through it. This was a reality check that I wasn't obeying and needed to take responsibility to get out on my own and assume full control of my path. They sat there irritated and pissed off because I had taken the path they were sure would never be chosen. STUPID! How could you know I wouldn't choose that path? Is this the only place on earth to live? Do we have people knocking down our doors to get in here that I don't know about?? Why are you not proud I CAN take care of myself????? I was never so disgusted in my life, there was no getting around that these people were out for blood, total control, and anything less just wasn't going to suit. There is no sweet part to this story other than the elevation of my self worth I had at that moment. My value wasn't hinged on whether or not my parents thought I could do something but whether or not I believed I could. I have to say there was no prouder moment than knowing that I had one person, my boss believing the best in me and seeing me get better every day. My father was not only furious that I was leaving, he had stated it in front of everyone, so now the whole family knew. At this point I was following his handbook, he just had not factored in my "awesomeness". Don't feel bad for me, its hard to capitalize on how great your children are when there is no time left in the day. How can you when your life is just trying to survive the work day and then coming home to the madness that was our house. No it wasn't drunken, slurring madness, it was more the black hole of deadly silence that sucked at your very existence and little bit of joy a human had just awakening in the morning. There's no one that has more empathy for the whole situation than me at this point in my life but let's remember we were dealing with the 18 year old me. I was proud of taking this step, WHY THE HECK DID HE EVER GIVE ME THE CHOICE IF HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT????!!!!! On some level of sanity even the craziest of conservative parents know they can't lock their kids up and keep them forever, but my parents couldn't see that I was growing up. I knew I should have gone further away from home!!! Ha ha! There is some truth to leaving for college so when you come back the control cord has been severed and they begin to see they can't hold you down and control you forever. It's not just a learning curve for young adults, but also for the parents. I didn't get many positive remarks that night as to how I thought I was going to pull this off. I didn't get the "WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU....blah blah blah blah" line that parents hand out when you achieve the un-achievable! Instead I had the glaring eyes of doom that had solidly settled on the whoring around thing that had been thrown around the table a few nights before like a pair of dirtied silk panties. It was clear my parents had formed a club for the "in complete denial" over the last decade and they were sticking to their platform no matter what. I could see where this was going for the long haul so I decided it was better to deal with it in some form rather than to back down. I tried to be as jovial as one could when changing their whole life in just 4 days. I was excited to know I could make enough money and continue to grow, while having some sanity and privacy as well. My father eventually left the table as my mother continued to question my ability to even afford such a thing. Of course she would say that!!!! Her daughter couldn't be smarter than her now could she??? How could she really relate to me, she hadn't achieved this for herself. Some of you may feel my pain in this moment. It wouldn't be all that bad if our children are smarter than we are. Would it??? well.....NO. But if your relationship is rocky, that puts a different spin on it. When there is no REAL, intimate connection to understanding ourselves fully and then getting to know our children, huge gaps in communication come in, causing total chaos with any subject matter at hand. Basically, there is always a war at the table and every man for himself. My choice of warfare was always "words". I hate to admit it, but I knew back then they hadn't a clue what to do with someone like me. Things had to get better when I moved to my apartment. How could they be bad when the only person there was me? and I liked her! Going back to work, I told my boss that I had given them the news and they weren't happy. She looked at me strangely as if to say "What the heck DO these people want"?? She sat me down again and could see I had no support system in place other than my therapist & her.(Geez, I sound like a middle aged male stock broker twice divorced at this point) I'll never forget our conversation that day. She looked me in the eye and said "your parents are young, give them time to grow out of this phase in their life". I looked right back and didn't hesitate to answer her with words that still haunt me to this day. "THIS hasn't even begun to scrape the surface of who they are. This isn't going away. Mark my words, it's just begun". My friends and my boyfriend hadn't even heard the news yet! I was never so excited to show them my new place! It happened so suddenly that they didn't even know how to react just yet. At this point everyone I knew my age was either in college or living with mommy and daddy. Good golly, they didn't even know what it was like to plan to pay their own cell phones, let alone take out car insurance in their own name. Speaking of insurance, my parents had had plenty of time to rally more of their own mental troops, so when I got home that night, (yes I made it for curfew,) they sat me down to talk about the insurance I would need to purchase for my car. You might think that I hadn't factored that in. Well you're right, I hadn't, but my boss did! She was amazing, she was always one step ahead in the game with me. She had put me on that budget for everything a young person needs to know about being responsible for themselves. My parents didn't know that so I played it oh so cool back then. I wasn't going to have any more negative feedback to kill my grown-up vibes, not tonight. I was 3 short days away from moving! Nothing could stop me now. I knew deep down it was another fear tactic performed by my oh so talented at fear mongering conservative parents. I felt so bad for them that they had waited so long to plug into this beautiful existence of mine. Someone had beat them to the punch. Someone else had seen the potential of who I could aspire to be. Now instead of teaching me or preparing me for real life, they were trying to use it to keep me from real life. How messed up is that? The blessed day came and I figured there would be hangups or set backs to moving my bedroom furniture into the apartment. Who couldn't see that coming? It would never have stopped me, I would have slept on the floor before I would have stayed in that house. But never the less my father was going through this bizarre "she doesn't love me anymore" pity party. I was NOT attending. He would lend out his truck to every derelict there was in our zip code so I thought it was a no brainer to think his daughter could use it. I had made a decision to move to be more respectful to him and responsible for myself. I guess I should have expected he wouldn't help me since he was angry. There is no telling how many times my needs or my sibling's needs (hell their own needs!) were not handled but we were trying to save America one jail bait at a time. Back then, my brother could see how this situation had its own code of ethics and tried settling the move by taking the responsibility off my father and onto himself. He looked high and low for the truck keys but could not find them. He was at his wits end and decided to play my father's game against him. He went downstairs looked him right in the eye and asked him "Do you really think this is going to keep her from going? She may never talk to you again if you make it impossible for her to go." Next thing I knew he was walking back up the steps after my father told him where he had hid them. I know you're dying to know where he hid the keys........When I think back now how he must have been at one of the worst moments in his life to poke a hole in the mattress and stuff them up into it. Thinking back on it, I begin to have such sadness come over me, for this was the best day of the rest of my life......and one of the worst for him.