Monday, January 4, 2016

Picking up where I left off.......

I don't think anyone our age (17) knows exactly what they want to do with their lives, but no one is given the choice to take a breather and figure things out. Hey, if you lived in one of those houses where everybody was allowed to be a real human being and take all things into account and figure things out as you go, GREAT! The rest of the world is in a pipe dream called "keep going you don't want to stay in this place anyway" mentality. It's mentally numbing to someone like me to watch people like "Decade Drones" (whatever decade they are in they mope through the motions of what most of society is doing at the time) WAKE UP! It doesn't pan out for all people, but I was one of the lucky ones who knew what I wasn't going to do, and took a chance, I mean a huge chance on Beauty School. I did not fit in, I don't know that I really fit in anywhere?! I had decided somewhere between gym class in high school where I had farted during sit-ups in fitness test, being weighed in front of the hottest guy in gym at the time, Travis W. that if total humiliation didn't kill my spirit, that I could do just about ANYTHING I put mind to. I had this uncanny ability to know if things didn't work out, that I would be okay, because I could at least say that I tried.......I know now it's my faith that gets me through things like that. Back then it was this ultra naive youth thing I had going on. Nothing could get me down no matter what my new beauty school classmates did to trip me up. Gosh, if I wasn't the heavy girl in high school who blossomed late with her period, I was the chubby virgin who had never met a real homosexual in her life (no disrespect):) Not only did my teacher have her hands full because I was the only minor, but I wasn't equipped to be in a class with so many walks of life and understand where God was in all of it, and what my future looked like down the road. It didn't take me long to love learning new ways of doing my hair and to have color and highlights bring attention to my chubby cheeks like never before. I was going under the knife you could say and slicing off that old Laura who hadn't been around women and men who embodied sex, desire, or self worth through the way we dressed or carried ourselves. It was intoxicating to think that one day I would be standing tall(and skinny, way skinny) and empowering anyone who sat in MY chair to see themselves as the MOST important person to love in their lives. Okay, I've stated some alluring words in the last couple of sentences that I'm sure have you questioning my intentions or my Christianity. Let me tell you as clearly as I can, this is why the world is struggling so much. I shouldn't as a young woman have desired or yearned so badly for attention to detail in how I presented myself to the world. I shouldn't as a young woman have wanted to understand my potential to become a sexually desired piece of hotness. I didn't have parents who understood sex and all that comes with it. I didn't have parents that could even begin to see what I was or how men would desire me , or how I longed to be beautiful and wanted to be wanted. Well, so does the rest of the world. You think I am talking about ONLY myself, Oh no. I'm talking about everyone. We were searching for self worth and acceptance and value and dreaming about if we could find it there.....I will never forget how many times I was asked questions about my faith while I was there in school. People yearned to understand the environment I had been designed in. They couldn't understand my personality or why I was choosing this over another career. I remember day after day after day as I sat in the lunch room and talked to all the older classmates about why they were here doing hair and nails. They got a glazed over look in their eyes as they looked off into space to somehow find their answer in the abyss above their heads. It was their last hope, or hurrah! I, on the other hand, had picked it to be my first achievement, my catalyst, my opus.....which ever came first. I never realized how calm I had stayed although I was pegged for the odd ball in school. I do very well in chaotic surroundings, although I much prefer for people to have their shit together. While I was in school I also had a job as the youngest manager of a Fashion Bug retail store in Hershey. They were like a high end "HILLS", the closest thing to Beverly Hills I was going to get on this girls budget! I knew I loved people back then. I would just wait to hear the door ring to let me know a customer had come in, and she was going to need my help to see her full potential in that dress or pair of shoes. I loved telling people they looked great, or look forward to repeat customers to check in on them and see how they were doing. God has created something in community that I just absolutely love. "RELATION" I put myself in each person's shoes and tried to think how I would want to be seen or treated when I walked through those doors. I think God used humor, because whether I was at beauty school or work, I (the chubby, now highlighted, soon-to-be-stylist) was surrounded by mirrors. I have been looking directly into them for over 17 years, and there is so much more to be seen by how people sit in my chair to have their hair cut before I put the cape on. I saw them then looking past it as they walked into their dressing room to hide away from the world inside that horrible box that showed them the true size of their azz. I was never going to help them find the perfect dress, or give them the perfect haircut. I was going to give them Jesus. I had made up my mind years ago that without a true understanding of why we do what we do down here, we are merely surviving. Honestly, that's just not good enough for me. I want to thrive, and that is what I set out to do. I knew graduation for my Cosmetology License was around the corner and didn't have anyone to take but my mother. We are not two of the "vibe-iest" people on the planet, but I do think that is when I learn more about myself than in any other situation. I believe if we will start to see what we can achieve when the stakes are high and the place, timing and people are putting us on edge we can become something greater than we might ever have achieved. Yes! I passed. I can't say much for the guy beside me who cut himself and started to bleed all over his model, while wrapped in the cotton meant for his perm section. Trainwrecked himself that day. For 17 years I have seen many of the wrong kind of people strive to become a stylist- someone who not only touches others, but has to lead them to find the person they are inside to become a reflection on the outside. I can say that being a stylist for me is NOT the hair part at all, it was always about the hearts. Not everyone that has sat in my chair would allow that or did I want to change. That was the journey for me. I am so grateful for every foul, ignorant client that ever did sit with me. I have been able to see in all walks of life that without Jesus we are nothing. It hasn't mattered how much money people have, what they look like, what their age is, who they are married to, how many kids they have, who their family is, if they are successful, I could go on for days! IT DOESN'T MATTER. They all become drone like miserable jelly like forms of themselves walking around hoping to win the lottery or get a tape worm. (that last one was me) Whatever the sick drudgery is, I totally get it. I look back over my life and wonder how I got through those first few weeks in the salon that hired me. I had no clue how intense giving someone a haircut could be. No one can prepare an 18 year old girl who has never even looked at herself naked in the mirror how to help these people deal with the total spiritual warfare they've got going on. I knew I didn't always like where I was in my personal life, but "Dang! Your going to need more than a trim today!" I have been surrounded by God's grace since entering this career. My first boss was put in my path to be a mentor & friend, not to mention my BOSS. ha! She never let me just work without helping me understand every aspect of time and how to get clients to re-book. I needed her most when things in my life took a turn for what most people would have collapsed under. Back then my character was challenged, and this spitfire Viking Princess, twirling her flail, screamed "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED"! When I am put to the test to stand up for my own self worth, it is in that moment that I realized that I was on a journey to embody self worth.

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